Author: Frances Dredge

IF YOU HAVE one or more goals that have been hanging around on your ‘to do’ list for ages, it’s time to think about why you’re procrastinating. Look at each goal and ask the following questions:

Do I really want to achieve this goal?

Perhaps your life and aspirations have changed since you set this goal. If this is the case, cross it off your list to make mental space for the things that you still want to do.

Also, consider if this is your goal or is a goal that you think you should or could pursue because it’s a typical ‘next step’ or is perceived by others as something that you’re meant to be doing.

You won’t be motivated unless, in your heart of hearts, you value the attainment of this goal. If you don’t, you’ll constantly find reasons to put off starting your journey or you’ll give up at the first hurdle. Don’t let life be, “should have; could have; would have…Didn’t.” Rather, concentrate your efforts on what is truly important you.

Is this goal overwhelming?

If you have a major goal that perhaps will take some years to achieve, it can be difficult to know where to start and to keep motivated throughout the process.

If this is the case, break down the overarching goal into smaller, more manageable steps. Also, set deadlines to deliver each milestone. Doing this will help you see what you’re achieving as you progress and build stepping stones to what may currently be the distant horizon.

Am I weighed down by self-limiting beliefs?

In some instances, our ‘inner voice’ sabotages our efforts even before we begin: “I’m not really good enough,” “I’m not a natural leader so who’d listen to me?” “I’m being over ambitious”, we tell ourselves.

This way of thinking often stems from what we learnt in childhood. For example, a highly intelligent colleague of mine admitted that he constantly struggled with decision making. His inner voice told him: “I don’t know what to do for the best,” and “I might make the wrong decision” which often meant that others took control. Consequently, he found that he was failing to capitalise on career opportunities and also that he was resentful of those who were moving on to achieve bigger and better things.

After much reflection, he concluded that this self-limiting belief came from growing up as the youngest in a loving and protective family of four children. As a child he was happy to follow the lead of his adored elder siblings but now realised that, in adult life, taking control of his own career path and fulfilling his potential required a different approach including creating a more constructive inner dialogue.

If you suspect that you are holding yourself back, listen out for what your inner voice is telling you. Every time you finish off a sentence with something that stops you moving forward, test out your views. For example,

Thought: “I’d love to get the book I’ve written published...

Inner voice: “…but I’d never get an agent because I’m not good enough?”

Test questions:

• Is this a fact or is this an assumption I’m making?
• Have I tried to get an agent?
• How do I know how good I am if I haven’t tried?
• Even if one agent were to say that my book wasn’t for them, does this mean I’m not good enough or is this just one agent amongst many?
• Do I need to get an agent to get my book published?

The answers to such questions should help you identify the situations in which you're talking yourself out of achieving your goal even before you've begun as well as give you clues on what your short-term goals need to be, e.g., in the above, actions to find an agent would be first on your list of interim goals.

Am I resisting change?

Even if it’s for positive reasons, change can be daunting. This is because moving forward often means saying goodbye to something, e.g., if you get that wonderful West End part that’s within touching distance, this may mean leaving the town you love to move to London.

When you’re planning your goals, it is important to uncover underlying concerns and evaluate your priorities to ensure that the pursuit of this goal is worth the possible sacrifices.

Do I fear failure?

Success depends on the ability to be able to ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’. The path to achieving your goal is often challenging, especially if it involves considerable change. You’re likely to come up against hurdles and make mistakes. And, even if you try your best, the end result isn’t guaranteed.

However, successful people tend to view challenges and setbacks as learning experiences that take them closer to their goal. If things don't work out as they plan the first time, this doesn't put them off or make them feel stupid but provides them with valuable information on how to improve.

Alternatively, there’s the Homer Simpson approach: “You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” Amusing Homer, but we’ll ignore that advice thank you.

Need help with your goals? Phew, it’s FEU

• Apply for the ‘Tools for Goal Setting’ workshop - London, 11 December. Also look out for workshops in your region in 2016.
• At your convenience, try out our e-course Overcoming Freelance Challenges at the digital learning centre. Here, you’ll also find a wide range of learning opportunities and information that will help you grow your creative career.

FEU TRAINING is supporting young members with the Get Fit for Freelancing initiative, which aims to help young people establish themselves in the ever more competitive entertainment industries.

To do this, we’ll be running a targeted programme of training courses and networking events that aim to help young creative professionals understand and overcome the challenges that freelance work entails so that they can more easily and quickly build a successful career.

To coincide with the TUC’s Young Workers’ month, we’re kicking off this November with:

• Get fit for Freelancing – 20 Nov, London
• Get the best deal: how to pitch for work and get paid properly – 25 Nov, London

Coming up…

We’ll be expanding the programme over the coming months including developing online facilities that will improve access to skills development opportunities and support. You can learn on the hoof, in bit sized chunks, or sit down and work your way through an entire online course – whatever is most convenient.

In the meantime, there is already a range of free online information and learning opportunities available for all our members including e-courses from marketing work to managing finances already available at www.feutraining.org.

Photo by Kate Willoughby: young members up for the challenge at recent FEU Training event

A surprisingly large number of people have suffered from being bullied, harassed or discriminated at work at some point or another.

According to an FEU survey, the creative industries are no exception to this with results showing ‘shocking levels of ill-treatment, inappropriate behaviour and a culture of silence, with only one third of those suffering bullying and harassment reporting the incidents’.

Given that few companies have policies that extend to freelance workers, unwanted behaviour can be particularly challenging to overcome.

Help at hand

If you experiencing bullying, harassment and/or discrimination, your union can support you. For example:

• FEU Training is holding a ‘Dealing with Bullying and Harassment’ session on Nov 17, which is free to members. Read more and apply now.
• The FEU has produced a ‘code of conduct’ and is working with employers and organisations in the creative industries to adopt this code. It has also published a set of guidelines for freelance workers as part of the ‘Creating without Conflict Campaign’.
• If you think your are being bullied, you can take the following steps immediately:
• Get informed – the FEU’s Creating without Conflict booklet is a good place to start and recommends the following immediate actions:
  • Contact your union representative as soon as possible to get advice
  • Keep a diary of events and the effects of the unwanted behaviour
  • Discuss with your union rep what outcome you wish to achieve. Most formal procedures expect you to have tried to resolve the matter informally first.

Finally, don’t suffer in silence. Whether, it is union support or support from a colleague or friend, tell someone you trust what is happening and get advice to ensure that you nip the situation in the bud and avoid damaging effects to your work and well-being.

THE INSPIRATION to come up with new ideas is usually second nature to creative people. However, sometimes we simply run out of gas. If you feel like you’ve had your last good idea, don’t panic. Most of us hit the inspiration wall at some point. Best thing to do is to try to pinpoint the reasons why you feel like you’re running on empty. Consider the following:

Are you fatigued?

If you’re nearly at the end of a big project or you’ve been meeting rolling deadlines for months for example, you might be under par without even realising it. Fatigue will cloud your mind so it may be time for a well-deserved break.

“Get serious, I can’t take time out,” you say. This may well be true now but promise yourself you will take a break at the earliest opportunity. As a freelance, it’s particularly important to look after your mental and physical well being to ensure that you stay fit for work in the long run. In the meantime, take baby steps, e.g., a half an hour walk every day, a glass of wine with a friend, an afternoon doing something that you enjoy will go towards perking you up.

Are you bored?

If you’ve been doing something for a long time, you may have come to the natural end of this particular creative journey. You can’t get inspired about it because you’ve done it too many times. If this is the case, it’s time to explore new pastures. “What planet do you live on? This work is my major source of income. I can’t just give it up,” you say. Fair enough, and I’m not suggesting you dump your bread and butter work on the spot. However, you can start looking up from the rut to imagine what it is that will inspire you again.

You might need to make just a few small changes to get your mojo back. Alternatively, it might be a big change that’s needed that will take serious effort to achieve. Either way, planning and acting to move forward will help put a spring back into your step.

Are you too isolated?

Working alone for at least some of the time is a must for many freelances. However, too much isolation can be inhibiting. Perhaps you just need a good night out or perhaps you need more contact with other creatives on an on-going basis. Nowadays many freelances have set up working groups, e.g., in which they meet up once a month to discuss work and challenges. Since much of our work involves stories or music about people, getting out there to interact is essential (mostly).

Are you too introspective?

While the creative mind is a wonderful thing, too much brooding can lead us to the dark side.  Experiencing the work of others can help us step back into the inspirational light. So do make the the effort to go to the theatre or a gallery or whatever it is that feeds your creative soul and that helps re-ignite passion for what you’re doing.

More info

Try our ecourse ‘Overcoming Freelance Challenges.’

PROBLEMS CROP up regularly as part of our working lives. For example, we might get sick, which makes it impossible to meet a deadline or, half way through a job, we might realise that the work involved is going to be much more complicated than we thought, which means that we’ll have to go back to the client to ask for more resources.

However, problems don’t necessarily mean that there’s trouble ahead and solved efficiently can actually cement a working relationship rather than damage it.

To ensure that you deliver on your promises and your reputation remains in tact, consider the following steps:

Own the problem: people often shy away from problems because they feel scared, guilty or unsure of what to do. Many problems can be nipped in the bud with little effort if you are quick to react. However, ignoring the problem may mean that it esculates and becomes a real threat to the satisfactory delivery of your work and consquently taint the impression people have of you.

Voice your concerns: remember that your client’s reputation (or whoever else you may be working with) is on the line too and, if you fail to deliver, you could be putting them in an extremely difficult position. If this happens, they may decide not to work with you again and tell others about their bad experience too.

However, if they are aware that there is a problem in good time, they are much more likely to be able to avoid negative consquences at their end and may also be able to help you sort things out.

Prepare options: don’t just dump your problem onto someone else’s lap but try to come up with at least one workable solution before you draw attention to it. The person involved may have a better idea of how to deal with it but, at least, you will demonstrate your willingness and commitment to put things right.

Ask for help: if you’re stumped, do ask your colleagues and friends to help you brainstorm a solution. When you’re engrossed in something or perhaps you’re panicking, an objective view from others can be illuminating.

Even if you can’t come up with a solution, still tell your client what is happening. They may get shirty – justifiably, if it’s your fault - but they’ll be much angrier if they find out for themselves when it’s too late to take corrective measures.

Be upfront. The best way to avoid problems is to communicate and take a clear brief before the job begins. Make sure that you understand what the work entails by asking lots of questions beforehand – what, when, who, where and how?

Also, you need to be sure that the client knows what it will take for you to complete the work on time. If both parties have a clear understanding of what the process will entail including who’s meant to be doing what by when and what resources are available, problems are less likely to occur in the first place. However, because you’re the expert, you may have to take the lead in educating your client and ensuring that everyone is clear before the off. An effective way of doing this is to provide a written summary of what you’ve agreed in bullet points as part of a contract.

Online learning

To learn more about building profitable working relationships, try our ‘Business Skills for Freelances’ e-course at www.feutraining.org - free to members and designed so you can work your way through at a convenient pace.

FROM MY EXPERIENCE and from talking to many other creatives, staying positive when things go wrong can be challenging – especially as freelance work often means working alone with little or no cheery support from others.

If you’ve been pipped to the post for that part you so desperately wanted or your book has been rejected for the umpteenth time, the temptation may understandably be to throw one record breaking ‘Violet Elizabeth’, hurling yourself to the floor and thcreaming and thcreaming until you’re sick. Or is that just me?

Such an extreme reaction might be cathartic in the short term, if a little unnerving to those sleep-deprived yummy mummies in Caffè Nero, but setbacks (fair or not) are an inevitable part of life that we need to overcome if we’re going to keep our eyes on that creative prize we yearn for and so rightly deserve (or is that just me again?). I find the following points help me stay on track in the face of adversity:

Rent a vent

Telling someone how you feel can help you get things into perspective. However, choose your vent buddy well. Ideally, they should be someone who offers encouraging reassurance (not someone who is likely to bring you down further) but also someone who helps you stare down the black dog of self pity by delivering a gentle, metaphorical slap around the chops when you’re indulging yourself too much and focusing on all that’s wrong rather than looking ahead to your next plan of attack.

For example, one excellent friend of mine is happy to listen to me to the end of a double chip choc muffin (my treat of course) before that spine straightening ‘get a grip’ look appears on his face. I always thank him for it later even if I feel short-changed at the time.

Actually, I do the same for him and we’ve developed a mutually beneficial vent zone that helps us navigate the sometimes choppy and murky waters of creative life.

Be discerning when venting though. If you’re always whining about ‘poor me’, you’ll soon find that people lose their ability to empathise and become sick of being nothing more than your verbal punch bag.

Not everyone finds verbal venting helpful however. If this is the case, find something that gets all that frustration out of your system – running, judo, eating chocolate – anything that clears your head so that you can move on with a chirpy skip and a hop.

Learn from what's happened

Oh...yawn. How many times have I heard this? And, what’s the point of being wiser than Socrates if you still haven’t got what you want anyway? Indeed. But the sometimes irritating truth is that you have a choice whether to take the positives from each experience and use it to press on to your ultimate goal or remain captive in the jaws of bitter inertia or some other destructive thought process that will contribute to holding you back rather than spur you on to better times.

If you feel down at heel, it can take effort to mine for the gems of wisdom from a recent disappointment. However, experience used well is a rock solid stepping stone to success and, the sooner you get around to seeing what went wrong and what you can improve, the quicker you’ll be able to get back on to the proverbial horse.

Gauge your thought processes

Taking advice from ‘cognitive behavioural therapy’, where the premise is that the way we think about things will have an impact on our well being, it’s useful to recognise and change some common ‘thinking errors’* that can keep us trapped and unhappy. These include:

Catastrophising

For example: “I didn’t get the part. That’s the end of my career.” Really? People who catastrophise tend to project worst-case scenarios (that don’t equate with what has happened) on to their future.

If your head is full of scary thoughts that haven’t even taken place, it is unlikely that you will be able to focus on what to do for the best in the here and now. While recognising your feelings, it’s important to be pragmatic too: “I am really disappointed that I didn’t get that part. I’m not sure where I went wrong so I’ll ask for feedback to see if there is something I could do better next time. It’s probably just the luck of the draw though and I’ve got another audition coming up soon so I’d better start preparing for that.”

Generalisation

For example: “Things always go wrong for me.” Here, a single dodgy experience may lead to a sweeping negative statement. To check this, find exceptions to what you’re saying. If you think about it realistically, there is usually a long list of specifics that disprove your generalisation: “I’m a failure,” becomes, “It’s really annoying that they didn’t use my idea. However, they’ve commissioned me plenty of times before and I’ve got lots more ideas. I need to find out what sort of angles they are looking for over the next few months.”

Mind reading

For example: “They are going to try to rip me off.” If you’ve a tendency to make assumptions about what people are or aren’t going to do or are or aren’t thinking, try exploring the facts first: “I’ve heard that they don’t pay very well. So, what I’m going to do is decide what is an acceptable rate for this work and then discuss it with them so I can find out for myself.”

Blaming

“It’s all their fault.” Spending too much time blaming people for what has happened can be counter-productive to problem-solving and lead to a whole host of destructive emotions such as bitterness, anger and resentment. It can also stop people looking at their own behaviour to see where they could improve or at least what they could do differently next time.

Taking responsibility to change what you can, even if someone else is to blame, will help ensure that things go better for you in future: “They haven’t lived up to their side of the bargain and now I have to do more work to meet our deadline. It’s really unfair and I’m livid. However, I can’t do anything about it now but next time I work with someone, I’ll ensure that they have the skills to deliver what we’ve agreed, make sure I have something in writing and have a contingency plan in case of unavoidable delays.”

On the other hand…

Of course, as a creative, you may thrive on drama and some deft exaggeration may make for a much more interesting or amusing tale. The knack is to be aware of how your thought processes make you feel and act, and adjust them accordingly. On that note, I’ll die if I don’t finish this blog now...

More info

If you’d like to learn more about ‘Overcoming Freelance Challenges’ that many people come across, just sign in to our e-course, which is free to members.

*Brilliant Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dr Stephen Briers

IF YOU want to learn more about how to deal with bullying and harassment, the Federation of Entertainment Unions (FEU) has recently launched the guide Creating without Conflict.

The guide was produced as a result of a FEU survey on 4000 workers in the media industry in which 56 per cent of respondents said that they had been bullied, harassed or discriminated against at work.

As well as advice and guidance, the guide contains union contacts that you can get in touch with if you need further help.

 

Key Tips from the ‘X-treme Setback Overcomers’!

When we are trying to develop or improve a skill, it’s useful to look to those who make it look easy, and see how they do it. Fortunately, when it comes to dealing with setbacks, the world has some extraordinary examples to learn from.

While all of us have overcome setbacks in our lives, some people take this to the level of an extreme sport. I’ve chosen a few people that inspire me, and have picked the element that stands out to me from each one.

We are all Masters of our own fate

Before Nelson Mandela became the President of South Africa, he spent 27 years, in the prime of his life, in prison. A significant setback by anyone’s standards. In his account of these years in, Long Walk to Freedom, he explains how he was transformed from angry young man to measured statesman.

He talks about the impact the poem, Invictus by William Ernest Henley, had on him. At this time he was in prison doing hard labour, with no freedom or control over anything he did. This poem, including the lines: “I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul.” helped Mandela understand that regardless of how badly he was treated, no-one could control what he thought, or who he truly was.

He learned about people, including the guards in the prison, and gained incredible insights and wisdom, including an understanding that past wrongs could not be corrected or avenged, but that people had to be led towards changing, to achieve a shared future. What he did next in leading his country through the process of the dissolution of apartheid was incredible, and he is rightly revered for that.

In terms of overcoming setbacks, Mandela recognised that, even when he couldn’t control or change what was happening to him, he could always choose how he responded to it. How he thought and what he did was entirely his responsibility and always remained under his control.

Having that conviction that you are: ‘driving the bus’, ‘paddling your own canoe’, or are ‘master of your own fate’, makes an enormous difference to how you act in your own life. Of course, we can’t control everything that happens in the world around us, but if we accept what we are responsible for and are empowered to decide what we do about it, we instantly remove any perception we may have of ourselves as a helpless victim.

Being true to who you are and what you believe, combined with a recognition of your own responsibility for what action you take, is hugely empowering, and can give you immense motivation to overcome setbacks.

Having a clear purpose is a great motivator

Victor Frankl, was a psychiatrist, neurologist and the creator of Logotherapy a form of existential therapy. Frankl, prior to World War 2 (WW2), was already specialising in working with depression and people at risk of suicide. During WW2 he spent three years as an inmate of a concentration camp. His book, Man’s Search for Meaning is an amazing account of how he used this dreadful experience to observe and learn about what made the difference between the people who did and didn’t survive this horrendous experience.

Frankl learned that an individual’s survival did not depend on how physically fit or able they were. He talks about seeing physically strong individuals getting rapidly sick and weak, then unexpectedly dying, while some physically frail individuals seemed able surprisingly to withstand the cruel hardships.

As he investigated what made the difference, he realised that the people who had a deep and personal purpose fared better. Sometimes this purpose was to see family members or loved ones again, or to finish writing an unfinished book about a subject they were passionate about, or a determination to share their knowledge and experiences with the world. Those who didn’t have something or someone to live for, were far more likely to give up mentally, and then deteriorate physically. He also speaks about how the people who coped had hope and how loss of hope could be quite literally fatal in that environment.

The book is fascinating, and I highly recommend it. What Frankl learned in the concentration camps became the basis of his new therapy, Logotherapy.

In our lives, where most of our challenges and setbacks are not so extreme, the same principals exist. Knowing why you are doing what you are doing, makes it much clearer to you what your priorities are when things go wrong. Having a clear purpose, and trusting that things will work out in a positive way for you ultimately is a great foundation from which to make difficult decisions and to conquer setbacks. Being clear and committed to your ‘purpose’ is a great way to stay creative in how you keep overcoming difficulties.

Setting manageable goals can get you through ‘impossible’ tasks

The story of Joe Simpson and his climbing partner Simon Yates and their disastrous climbing experience in the Andes is captured in the book Touching the Void, written by Joe Simpson. A documentary film was subsequently made of the book.

While climbing together in a particularly remote part of the Andes, Joe slipped and shattered his tibia into his knee joint. In order to get out of this life threatening situation, Simon attempted to lower Joe down the side of the mountain. When this went wrong, Joe was left suspended over the cliff attached to Simon, at night and in a storm, after they miscalculated their descent plan.

The story tells how Simon had to take the horrendous decision to cut the rope and save himself, as both would have perished had he not. Joe then fell down 150 feet, with a shattered leg, frostbitten hands and other injuries. Simon made a search for him the following morning, and assumed he was dead, before heading back to their camp.

The story documents how Joe crawled, in spite of his injuries, five miles over three days, with no food and little water. He tells how overwhelming he knew it would be if he were to think about how far he had to go to survive, so he didn’t consider that. Instead he picked a rock, 10 metres away, and gave himself 20 minutes to reach it. Then he picked another rock, and another 20 minutes, and so on, and so on. He would give himself rewards of a sip of water after achieving enough smaller targets. The account of the expedition in the documentary drama, where both climbers give their accounts, is gruelling, but compelling viewing.

Joe arrived in camp just hours before Simon was about to pack up and leave. He was delirious and exhausted, but alive. His survival is a testament to his exceptional determination and bravery, but he achieved it by focussing on what he could do, and what he could control, and by setting small, achievable goals.

It’s a living example of the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu’s, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” How many of us just look at the thousand miles and just pull the duvet back up over our heads, instead of taking that first step?

The motivation for Joe Simpson was clear, had he not taken each step he took, he would have died. Most of us are lucky enough not to have that level of motivation hanging over us, but it is still good to remember that when a task is overwhelming, it may be time to break it down to identify that first step. Then just get on with it, without thinking about the whole picture.

Focussing on what you can do may create opportunities you had never imagined

Martine Wright was running a bit late for work on 7 July 2005. The night before, she had been out with friends, celebrating the award of the 2012 Olympics to London. That morning she got a later tube than usual, and sat down opposite one of the London underground bombers. Martine was one of the last people to be rescued that day, having lost 80% of her blood and both her legs. She talks about how she tried to resume her life as it had been prior to the bombing, and how she found there were too many things she couldn’t do the way she’s done them before.

Martine’s response was to start looking for things to do, which she could only do without legs! She decided to take up a new sport, and tried sitting volley ball. She discovered she was good at this, and became a member of the British Sitting Volleyball Team. In 2012 Martine represented her country when she competed in the 2012 Paralympics sitting volley ball team.

Martine has actually said that she considers herself lucky to have been through all she has been through. Representing Great Britain in 2012 meant a great deal to her. In the process of her own recovery she saw and experienced many kindnesses in people, and has since had the opportunity to contribute herself in ways, she most likely would not have done, had she carried on the path she was on prior to the bombing.

In exceptional circumstances, Martine managed to focus on what she could do, and took the opportunities when they came along. Many people would have got stuck at ‘why me’, and, ‘look what I can’t do’, instead, Martine managed to take an inspiringly positive path through this awful experience. Martine gives talks about her experience and has actually said she feels grateful for the doors that have opened for her since.

Whatever happens in our own lives, it is always an option and choice to focus on what has happened, or to focus on what we can still do. Blog 1 on this topic speaks much more on this particular theme.

In summary

These are just some of the many inspiring examples out there, I’m sure you can all think of your own X-treme setback hero’s. While they are all exceptional people, who did exceptional things, how they did it is something we can all learn from, and tap into and use in our own lives.

So remember, when you next hit a setback in your own life:

• You are in control of how you react in any situation
• Be clear about why you are doing what you are doing, and why it matters.
• Set yourself manageable goals
• Focus on what you can do.

So if you find yourself feeling helpless after something has not gone to plan, just go through the list above, and see if you can’t think of something you can do about it!

IF YOU’RE thinking about improving your life in some way, whether it’s to do with furthering your career or beefing up your social life, you might find a few ‘positive psychology’ tips useful.

Rather than poring over weaknesses and ways to correct them, this approach to self-development aims to discover what’s right in people working on the premise that, if you concentrate on what you’re good at and what you love to do, it’s more likely that you’ll excel and find greater satisfaction.

If you’re a ‘glass half empty sort of person’, bear with me here. Positive psychology doesn’t ignore negative emotions, failures and problems and you don’t have to splash out on a pair of rose coloured spectacles and adopt a Pollyanna persona. Be assured, you can remain your grumpy, sceptical self (it’s probably one of your strengths and greatest pleasures). However, you may need to adopt some mental agility to explore the following areas:

1. Positive focus

For example, when you think you’d like to move jobs, rather than concentrating on the things you dislike about your current job, framing your objectives positively will help clarify what you really want and provide indicators of what to look for in your next position rather than keeping you stuck in the rut of what’s not happening now: “I hate working on weekends”; “My boss is constantly looking over my shoulder”; “I’ll never get promoted,” becomes “I’d like to work on weekdays only”; “I want a position that gives me more autonomy”; “I want to work for an organisation that provides a career path”.

2. The benefits of positive emotions

The achievement of most worthwhile goals doesn’t come at the snap of your fingers. Usually, there are hurdles and unexpected challenges along the way so it makes sense that, when you feel good about your goals, you’ll be much more motivated to achieve them. “Obvious, but there are some things that I have to do to pay my mortgage”, you might say. Good point and true in some cases. But, in my experience, some of what we feel we have to put up with is what we’ve told ourselves and has little basis in reality (self-limiting beliefs, thoughts and feelings in psycho-speak). For example, “I hate my life”, (generalisation); “It’s bound to go wrong” (catastrophising); “He thinks I’m an idiot” (mind reading).

Most people wouldn’t dream of emotionally punching up their friends in this way, but get into the habit of creating and listening to a destructive inner voice that makes them feel bad and doesn’t accurately reflect external circumstances.

Whereas, recognising if you’ve a tendency to let your thoughts negatively spiral, isolating problems and exploring what can be done is more likely to bring you the changes that you’re looking for.

If life has thrown a particularly hard curve ball, it can be difficult to feel good about the current situation. Here it’s important to draw on good feelings from the past and what you imagine it will feel like when you’ve achieved your goals. Once again, it’s about concentrating on the positive rather than the negative. For example: “What gives me energy?” (not “I feel drained”); “What is it that I value most about myself?” (not “I’ve got so many weakness”) and “What inspires me? (not “I’m so bored”).

3. Identifying strengths

People often focus on what they can’t do and ignore what they are naturally good at. Of course, it’s sensible and interesting to continue to learn new skills, but none of us can be all things to all people so it’s equally sensible to play to and develop our strengths.

If you need help with defining or re-assessing your strengths, you might want to ask some colleagues or friends how they perceive you. You’ll probably be surprised and rather pleased at what they say. If you’re not, maybe think about changing your colleagues or friends as they’re obviously an awful lot who should be given a wide birth!

Also, you might want to take this psychometric test (Brief Strengths Test) from the University of Pennsylvania. Basically, it’ll come up with your top strengths in order. No strength is better or worse than another but the idea is that, if you are aware of your strengths and value them (rather, as many people do, take them for granted and wish for others), you can build on what you’ve got to become even better at what you do and/or more content with your life choices.

In the past, I’ve scoffed at this sort of thing but in the spirit of open mindedness, I tutted and muttered darkly through it. From the results, I immediately fell into the above trap of dissing what the test turned up as my strengths. I had imagined things like creativity and initiative would be top of the list. But, to my consternation, these were outstripped by honesty, social intelligence and an appreciation for beauty: “Oh, how tame and superficial,” I generalised. “My life is a sham and I’ve obviously missed my vocation as some Gucci-clad vicar”, I catastrophised. (No offense to Gucci-clad vicars, it’s just the first thing that sprang into my mind).

On reflection though and taking a tip from above, these strengths (as we’re now calling them) do in fact play an important role in my life. Also, on further analysis, I do play to them, e.g., my clients tell me they value my approach that seeks to make things easy for them rather than bamboozle. And, I aleady work to such themes as you’ll see in the messages throughout my website.

It may be coincidence and the results haven’t converted me to a psychometric test believer. But, in this instance, it made sense and served as a refreshing reminder of what I value leading to more positive focus and emotions. Try it…you might find it useful. It’s certainly fun discussing it with your mates.

Crucially, no longer do I need to feel guilty about my proclivity for expensive shoes. After all, an appreciation for beauty is one of my key strengths and must be observed as a vital cornerstone of my future development.

The previous blog focused on a particularly difficult period of my professional life. Basically, I desperately needed to jump start my career but, despite intensive marketing, I just couldn’t get a break. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, I was commissioned to write an article, which boosted my credibility and led to a series of new contracts that dramatically changed my fortunes.

One could say the phone call was a piece of luck. But in reality, it was the consequence of being amiable, professional and open-minded to new opportunities. That phone call was the indirect result of a connection I had made 15 years earlier. What’s more, there was no forethought, no intention and no logical thought process. The same is true of another defining episode in my professional life.

Way back in 1991, before I became a freelance journalist, I was a software salesman. The job paid well but I was disillusioned with the corporate world. One evening after work, while enjoying a pint in my local pub, I was chatting to a friend who taught business at the nearby college. I told Andy about my job dissatisfaction and my desire to inject some variety into my life. He suggested that I gave a talk to his students.

My first impulse was to decline. I’d never taught before and wouldn’t know what to say. Andy quickly put my mind at rest. “You’ve got a business degree,” he said, “and you’ve spent five years in the real-world of business. My students will be fascinated.” Maybe it was the beer talking, but the next word out of my mouth was “OK.” Andy was right: the students were indeed a very receptive audience and, although I earned nothing, I enjoyed it greatly.

Two years later, I’d quit my sales job and become a freelance journalist. I enjoyed the freedom of not having a boss and it was a major relief to say goodbye to the endless commuting and ever-growing sales targets. But I was struggling financially. My income was extremely variable and I needed some predictability. In September 1993, I bumped into Andy and he told me that a colleague desperately needed someone to teach a 24-week course: the economics of the construction industry.

I had never taught a whole course before, and I knew absolutely nothing about the construction industry. But, because I had enjoyed my first teaching experience and I needed the money, I immediately said “yes”. I spent the next week devouring text books and consulting Andy for guidance, and then nervously delivered my first class to a sea of semi-bemused faces. It took a while to get the hang of teaching, but I persevered and by the Christmas break, the students were engaged and I considered myself a reasonably competent teacher.

The college asked me to deliver the course again in the following year and I gladly accepted. But in 1995, the freelancing side of my career was monopolising my time and so I declined subsequent offers of teaching. Five years later, however, I was once again becoming jaded.

One of the problems with specialising in a particular niche is that it can become tedious. In 1999 and 2000, following the phone call from the Daily Telegraph, I secured lots of corporate writing work from IT companies that were eager to capitalise on what became known as the ‘dotcom boom.’ This became my specialism and for the next eighteen months, I worked pretty much non-stop. While this was good for my bank balance, it became rather boring to repeat essentially the same ‘message’ over and over. Also, although I loved being a freelance and working from my home office in deepest Wiltshire, there were times when the isolation was too much. I wondered how I could meet like-minded people, so in late-2000 I joined the National Union of Journalists and attended the local branch meetings.

Once a month, always on a gloomy Tuesday night, the same five faces gathered around dark pints of Arkell’s ale and lamented the slow death of our noble profession. It was at one of these meetings that Pete, a former newspaper photographer and a lecturer at Cardiff University asked me: “You do business journalism, don’t you?” Before I could confirm, he said: “You fancy doing some teaching?”

The timing of Pete’s questions was perfect. I needed a new challenge and, like my chat with Andy in 1991, this was another example of the ‘Law of Unintended Consequences’. My simple desire for a couple of pints had inadvertently pushed me toward an open door that I didn’t even know existed. I had no latent desire to switch careers. I just happened to be in the right pub, sitting next to the right person, at the right time, and in a receptive mood.

On Pete’s instruction I met the course co-ordinator, told her about my previous teaching experience, sorted out a lecture plan, signed contracts and gave my first lecture a few weeks later. I took the train from Swindon to Cardiff once a week, and with every trip I fell deeper in love with teaching. In the next academic year, I volunteered to teach a second module and before I knew it, I’d become indispensible. In September 2003, a full-time position became available. I got the job, quit freelancing and I felt I’d found my vocation.

In retrospect, it’s clear that my teaching career would never have happened if I had not said ‘yes’ at two crucial moments. What’s more, on both occasions, I agreed to do something I’d never done before (although I was confident that I could pull it off – in theory at least). A path appeared that would take me out of my comfort zone, and I took it. And again, in much the same way that my random encounters with Michael in the previous blog transformed my freelancing prospects, meeting Andy and Pete at fortuitous moments helped launch a new career without any planning on my part. Whether you want to call luck, fate or coincidence, I strongly recommend saying “yes” whenever opportunity knocks unexpectedly.